independence

i was an independent child. i wanted to do everything on my own and in my own way. my mom decided it was time to take me off the bottle when i could fill it my self from the gallon of milk in the refridgerator.

i like having my on way of doing things. i have told myself for a long time that it’s not about being independent, but it’s about being unique, putting my own stamp or twist on something. i told myself that i was fordging a new path, one that no one else may take, but soemthing that was my own. something that i and only i had ownership of, as well as full responsability.

my life thus far is good. my needs are met, as well as a few wants have been thrown in too. i have a roof over my head, a car to get me from point a to point b, clothes on my back, food to eat, a computer to function in the 21st century and good people to speak into my life. all in all i have no complaints. i have done a good job with my life.

but i think there lies the problem. it’s the “i” part of that above statement.

for the longest time i have bought into the lies and deception of independence. and how could i not… from the womens movement to the idea that “women can do anything” to generation x getting what they want when they want it to the idea of “having it your way”… i have learned through careful constructive learning being dependent on anything is bad and independence in the only way to go.

the lies that live deep in those satements are shattered by the simple fact that as a Christian, i have devoted my life to decreasing me and increasing Jesus Christ. but in order for me to truly do that, i need to give up a corner stone of my personality foundatin which is that i am a fully stubborn independent person.

i not only believed the lies, but let them guide me, and in turn convinced myself that i had to be independent of my parents and adult influences because i was just a burden to them, a hindrance to their life and what they wanted to do. although i thoroughly believed deep to my core, even though i would deny it when i was a tween and early high shcooler, that my parents loved me and wanted the best for me and wanted to see me succeed and want to do whatever they could so that i could achieve anything that i wanted.

but the lies were loud and hit me where i hurt the most… through lonileness. i took the lonileness i felt and translated that into myself being a burden for them. i translated it into that i needed to be independent of them in order for me to get what i wanted and the achieve the goals i wanted to acheive.

in my life long venture to achieve independence i have ignored on of the most important asoects of having a living, breathing relatinship with Chirst… and that’s learning how to be dependent upon Him through everything. He wants the good, the bad and the ugly. He wants us to tell Him everything, every thought, every action every desire that we harbor in our hearts and minds.

sure, Him being the omni-cubed He knows it all, but by us going to Him and telling Him all of it, we are beginning to practice being dependend on Him. by seeking His will, reading His word and praying words the He taught us to pray, we are submitting to Him in recognization that He is the one and only we are to be dependent on.

my deep desire to not be anyone’s burden, which in turn spurs on my independence has a streak a mile long and is just as wide. but i have come to realize that this has hindered many relatinships and i have burned bridges where i know that should have not happened.

as i pursue a deeper, more meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ, i am wondering how deep dose my independence run.  because it is deep and wide, what must i do to turn it around and develope a deeper dependence on God.

where is the fine line between worldly independence and Godly dependence?

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