i believe that i am getting one this weekend… excited and nurvous all at the same time.

you see, i have this aversion to needles. i know, but tattoos are done with needles… this is where the nurvousness thing comes into play. the excitment comes into play because of my reason for doing this.

a while ago… so, we’ll say roughly 10 or so months ago, i embarked on a relationship that i thought was going to change my life. and in a lot of ways it did, not in the ways that i expected it to. i truly thought the outcome would something involving bells, a white dress, friends, family, good food, good pictures, wishes of happiness bestowed on us by our loving friends and family, and later down the line the pitter-patter of little feet. but alas… that’s not reality!

after crying my eyes out, feeling like my heart was ripped out and then run over by an 18-wheeler, experiencing the depth of pain that i had experienced only once before while grieving over another loss, waves of bitterness, questioning, being honest with myself, beginning to be honest with friends, turning to God and being honest with Him, taking responsability and owning my stuff… it struck me while driving around town the other day… i want the mark of Jesus Christ on me. I want it etched* into my living flesh. I want it there forever. i want people to see it and ask why i would do such a thing. i want to be able to tell people that i am a sinner and this reminds me of it everyday!

but most of all, i want that daily reminder that…

i belong to God.
i am His beautiful creation.
i am wonderfully made.
He is all i need.
He will sustain me.
He will provide for me.
He will never forsake me.
i am covered by the blood of Jesus Christ.
all my sins are forgiven.
and by His blood, i am saved.

*(ok, not really etched… i will stick to tattooing thank you very much)


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