truth be told, it’s more than hard to do… it’s a bitch.
the pain, the hurt, the questions without answers… all of it is an experience that i could have truly done without.
a friend of mine suggested that this could possible be a way that God is protecting me. another friend has suggested that i am better off without him in my life. and another friend has even suggested that if i was to continue the relationship, there would come a point where i would have become so disconnected with people and myself that i wouldn’t be able to recognize myself in the mirror.
wow… never knew they felt this way! but know i do.
although i “wish that we were making up again,” i do know that this is for the best. not just for me but him as well. i have come to realize that i had lost myself. i had stopped really looking myself in the eye (with the help of a mirror, of course) and stopped being honest with myself.
all the truth that i have been told by my many friends are things that i have always known. but, i refused to acknowledge it because i didn’t want the truth to be true. i refused to acknowledge that i was turning from God, that i was letting go of everything that i had held near and dear to my heart.
i was allowing myself to cheat God out of the passions and gifts that He has given me… who am i to do that?