the other day a friend of mine was telling me that she wanted to experience the grand canyon skywalk. basically it’s a glass bottomed u-shaped bridge that’s about 4,000 feet about the canyon floor. i have absolutely no desire to go anywhere near it because i have a paralyzing fear of heights.
when i was a kid, i was prettified of jumping off the edge of a pool. i can climb a latter just fine, but coming down is a completely different story. i even missed a chance to go spelunking several years back because we had to climb down a latter into a dark pit of what seemed to be nothingness. basically, my fear of plummeting to my death paralyzes me to the point of non-existent exploration.
recently i have made the observation in my life that i also do the same thing in my everyday-ordinary-life. when i experience some type of set back, i tend to avoid something out of fear. not only do i have a tendency to avoid, but i also become paralyzed with that fear.
growing up my family had a membership to the local community pool. one sunny, summer day i was there with my friends and they double-dogged-dared me to jump off the high dive. know, normally i would tuck my tail between my legs and go home, but this was where i spent the majority of my summer and i wasn’t about to let this dare go by the wayside. so i began my assent to the top of the spring board. with each ladder rung, i knew i was in deep trouble. not only was there a line beginning to form behind of kids wanting to jump of the hi dive, but there was a group gathered on the side of the pool by the life guard stand waiting to see my belly-flop extravaganza.
but once up there, i froze. i couldn’t move. there i was at the top and i couldn’t move a muscle. i couldn’t bring myself to jump. so, i did the next scariest thing… i climbed down the ladder. no matter what, i envisioned myself landing smack on the cement, breaking my leg or arm or cracking my head open and all my brains oozing out. (ok, the later is a bit extreme… but you get the idea.)
i lost focus. i relied on myself to carry me through my fears, and i just couldn’t do it. kind of like when Jesus calls out to Peter, and Peter sinks because he allows great fear to take over him, instead of fully relying of Jesus. instead of his faith fully relying on Jesus, fear crept in and created an attitude of doubt within him.
there is so much i want in my life and for my life. yet, i doubt. i used to tell myself that it was myself whom i doubted, but the reality and truth is that it is really Jesus whom i doubted. i’ve learned that in order for me to rid my life of doubt, i need to take that first step out of the boat all the while maintaining my focus on Jesus. and not in certain areas of my life, but my complete life.
what part of your life does doubt exist?